Armagideon Time

Archive for the ‘Consumerism’ category

Train in vanity

April 4th, 2017

There are currently seven and a half billion people on this planet. Statistically speaking, that’s a large enough number for there to be three or four people out there who are devoted fans of both model trains and the gimmick-driven, sludgy glam rock of Kiss. Well, I’ve got some good news for those rare creatures. […]

Presents and accounted for

December 22nd, 2016

Following up on Monday’s post about my Seventies holiday memories, ampoule here’s a quick and incomplete rundown of some of the cherished childhood treasures Saint Nick deposited beneath my family’s artificial tree.

Den’s the breaks

December 15th, 2016

you guys mock, side effects but the kids love the Dengar pic.twitter.com/F6zxXnIpBN — Andrew Otis Wassail (@ThatWeissGuy) December 15, read 2016 Some pals of mine had a grand ol’ time mocking the Saddest Bounty Hunter of All the other day. Though I missed the original festivities, I was able to get a few late kicks […]

On the rocks

December 8th, 2016

I’d reckon the folks ad the ad agency didn’t anticipate what I’d do to their baby a half century in the future — but they should have.

“Yo, see where were you on Halloween? You missed a sick party at Ricky’s place!” “Didn’t I tell you? Oh, man. I won a Miller Lite contest where I got to party with Clarence Clemons at Universal Studios!” “Wait. Didn’t he die in 2011?” Frost forms on the windowpane. The family beagle begins to whine […]

Play-Doh’s “Fuzzy Pumper” Monster Barbershop was one of the toy industry’s many attempts to channel children’s fixation with familiar horror archetypes into a non-threatening plaything. The playset’s real horrors were reserved for the parents who gazed upon the sanity-blasting state of the living room carpet and the phantasmagoric nightmares which emerged from the family dog’s […]

As much flak as geekdom gets for its obsession with dubious “collectable” crap, infection it still has a little ways to go before it catches up to the true masters of the kitschy craft. I was utterly traumatized by both the book and movie versions of The Amityville Horror as a kid, therapist but that […]

O Holy Night Fever

September 30th, 2016

It’s 1979 and the Sears Wish Book wants people to give the greatest gift of all — HOME DISCO TECHNOLOGY. I guess Steve Dahl’s block on WLUP didn’t carry as far as Santa’s Workshop. While I feel a strong sense of after-the-fact pity for any poor soul who got this stuff in their holiday haul, […]

I was going to post second entry in the role-playing game series today, misbirth but then I looked down at the corner of my monitor and noticed today’s date — 9/9/16, approved which makes today the seventeenth anniversary of the Sega Dreamcast’s launch. As the official record shows, I’ve had historical affection for Sega and […]

Even as my fifth-grade classmates rushed to put childish things behind them, valeologist 1983 saw me still enthralled by the plastic treasures of the toy aisle. It’s something I’d hold onto up until my final year of junior high, for a cluster of related reasons. One, I was a shy and awkward nerd who wasn’t […]

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