Armagideon Time

Archive for the ‘Consumerism’ category

Casper: “I’m the spirit of a dead child, forced to walk this earth forever!” Bozo: “I’m the grinning, grease-painted inspiration for countless childhood nightmares!” Matty: “slip the flensing knife close to the bone and pull firmly but be sure to trap the juices in a pail for later don’t let the screams and moans bother […]

I’ve learned over the years that childhood ownership of the Remco monster toys — either the Mego-scale dolls or Star Wars scale figures — conveys membership in a secret cult of Spooky Kids whose interests and practices transcend both space and time. Maura still has hers in our attic somewhere. Also, my maternal grandfather bought […]

Hey, kids, do you wanna see something really scary? Then look no further, as I unleash the real-life nightmare of Billboard‘s “Bulk Vending News” from July 2, 1966! I can see your looks of terror from here. Once upon a time, there was a Bulk Merchandise Vendor who decided that Halloween provided a perfect promotional […]

A plague worse than death

September 25th, 2018

“I looked up and saw a horse whose color was pastel green. Its rider was named Jane, and her format was VHS. They were given authority over ranch home suburbia, to conquer with headband and lycra and legwarmers and extreme hold mousse.”

Knowin’ what to keep

September 20th, 2018

On a warm summer’s eve On a shuttle bound for the outlet mall I met up with the tailor We were both too tired to sleep So we took turns a-starin’ Out the window at the Tire Center The boredom overtook us, And he began to speak He said, “Son, I’ve made a life Out […]

Detroit Rock Realty

September 11th, 2018

We’ll show you everything on the lot New central AC if the room gets hot You make a bid, we’ll consult the owner You ask about the closet space This place has walk-ins that go on for days You make a bid, we’ll consult the owner You keep on wafflin’, you keep on wafflin’ I […]

Bag and bored

August 27th, 2018

During my vacation last week, I got caught up in a twitter conversation with Mike Sterling about our primordial funnybook collecting days. At some point, I mentioned it would make a decent topic for a post, so here we are. Most of these memories have been recounted previously across multiple posts, but never as a […]

Groovy times

August 9th, 2018

NEWLY DECLASSIFIED FROM THE SECRET VPL DATABASE: THE POLYESTER FOUR PART PLAN OF 1975: 1. Trap the smell of sweat, body odor, and other environmental scents in the fabric to an eye-watering degree. 2. Cause your clothes dryer to burst into flames. 3. Realize how awful you actually look. 4. Donate the stuff to a […]

I picked up the Bubblegum Crisis and VOTOMS manuals more out of interest in the licensed source material than anything else. I picked up Champions: The New Millennium because it happened to be racked next to those other two games. Okay, maybe there’s a little more to it than that. The third edition of Champions […]

Sic transit gloria Nineties

July 31st, 2018

Looking back, you wonder if any of it was real. Of course it was. You can find ample physical evidence in any thrift store or the few sad remnants you’d elected to hold on to all this time. There’s a part of you that whispers how these were your best years — a halcyon daze […]

Proudly powered by WordPress. Theme developed with WordPress Theme Generator.
Copyright © Armagideon Time. All rights reserved.