Armagideon Time

Archive for the ‘Dadaism’ category

‘Tis the season

November 27th, 2018

Christmas is less than a month away, which means the slew of hot takes about That One Problematic Holiday Standard should start arriving at any moment. In previous years, I’ve striven to keep above this circular debate, but the sheer number of wrong-headed reads of the subject matter had compelled my to weigh in on […]

…but their special relationship preceded their death and, quite frankly, is none of your business. (The redundant captions which accompany the illustrations in the third edition D&D core rulebooks are strangely endearing, like a fantasy RPG homage to old comics where Batman would say “Here’s a punch!” while punching someone and the caption box would […]

Casper: “I’m the spirit of a dead child, forced to walk this earth forever!” Bozo: “I’m the grinning, grease-painted inspiration for countless childhood nightmares!” Matty: “slip the flensing knife close to the bone and pull firmly but be sure to trap the juices in a pail for later don’t let the screams and moans bother […]

As far as teleporter accidents went, it could’ve been worse. That didn’t stop Bigelow from cursing his carelessness. Why did he accept the crate of vegetables from his co-worker’s garden? Why didn’t put them on a table instead of place where he could accidentally bump the box with his foot and send a stray onion […]

A plague worse than death

September 25th, 2018

“I looked up and saw a horse whose color was pastel green. Its rider was named Jane, and her format was VHS. They were given authority over ranch home suburbia, to conquer with headband and lycra and legwarmers and extreme hold mousse.”

Knowin’ what to keep

September 20th, 2018

On a warm summer’s eve On a shuttle bound for the outlet mall I met up with the tailor We were both too tired to sleep So we took turns a-starin’ Out the window at the Tire Center The boredom overtook us, And he began to speak He said, “Son, I’ve made a life Out […]

You had better do as you are told

September 18th, 2018

The text: My mental image:

A photo-essay for Friday

September 14th, 2018

Detroit Rock Realty

September 11th, 2018

We’ll show you everything on the lot New central AC if the room gets hot You make a bid, we’ll consult the owner You ask about the closet space This place has walk-ins that go on for days You make a bid, we’ll consult the owner You keep on wafflin’, you keep on wafflin’ I […]

None more real

July 24th, 2018

🎶 SIXTEEN ACTION FIGURES! 🎶 🎶 JUST LIKE THOSE OTHER ONES WE CAN’T NAME FOR LEGAL REASONS! 🎶 🎶 SIXTEEN ACTION FIGURES! 🎶 🎶 THANK GRANDMA FOR HER THOUGHTFUL GIFT, YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE SHIT! 🎶 🎶 SIXTEEN ACTION FIGURES! 🎶 🎶 THEY’RE MASTERS OF THE BAIT AND SWITCH! 🎶 🎶 SIXTEEN ACTION FIGURES! 🎶 🎶 […]

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