Today marks the tenth anniversary of Armagideon Time.
The site began its life as a music blog, though that conceit had all but fallen by the wayside when I migrated from Blogspot at the end of 2008.
I have no idea what I expected would come out of this project. There was small part of me that maybe hoped it would be a gateway to bigger and better things, but my unease about what that would require ended up sabotaging or demurring what modest opportunities did come my way. I didn’t want or need them enough to turn a diversion I’m ambivalent about into a job I’d certainly despise — and no one in the current climate is offering enough cash to still my qualms or motivate me to up my game.
There’s something perversely reassuring in the knowledge that I could nuke all this at any moment, should I have the desire. And I’ve flirted with the notion on multiple occasions, rest assured.
So why do I keep doing it?
Because, to paraphrase the wise and talented Matt Digges, the shit in my skull needs an out. Maura is a wonderful and patient sounding board, and we do discuss a lot of what I write about on this site, but even she has her limits. Writing for me isn’t a joy or an act of craft or a serious endeavor. It’s draining an infected wound. I get it out because holding on to these thoughts would have even more dire consequences for my mental well-being. Hence the personal, self-centric tone which I will never be rid of.
That there happens to be a small audience for what I lance out onto the digital page is astounding to me. It is humbling and I sincerely appreciate it, but that’s still incidental to my primary objectives for maintaining this place.
As for my future plans, I’m just going to work things out as I go along. That’s served me well enough so far.
(Oh, and be sure to check out the first comment below within the next week or so.)