Armagideon Time

None more real

July 24th, 2018

🎶 SIXTEEN ACTION FIGURES! 🎶
🎶 JUST LIKE THOSE OTHER ONES WE CAN’T NAME FOR LEGAL REASONS! 🎶
🎶 SIXTEEN ACTION FIGURES! 🎶
🎶 THANK GRANDMA FOR HER THOUGHTFUL GIFT, YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE SHIT! 🎶
🎶 SIXTEEN ACTION FIGURES! 🎶
🎶 THEY’RE MASTERS OF THE BAIT AND SWITCH! 🎶
🎶 SIXTEEN ACTION FIGURES! 🎶
🎶 DON’T SUE US HASBRO 🎶

In an age fraught with diminishing returns and rampant inflation, Sixteen Action Figure force is there to take on the tough missions nobody else wanted.

Top row, l-r: Creepy Neighbor, Early Adopter, Sgt. Scatman Crothers; Bottom row, l-r: Acid Wash, Armadillo Furry, Aging Crustpunk

Top row, l-r: Cosplay Overkill, Fidel Blastro; Bottom row, l-r: Safe Word, LARP Master, Beau Hunter

Top row, l-r: Chromium Agent, Gruff Diver, Village Person; Bottom row, l-r: Jungle Action Phil Collins, HAZ-Matt

Sixteen Action Figures is the code name for a set of off-brand military action figures featured in the 1994 JC Penney Christmas Catalog. Its purpose: To offer an easy low cost gift option to older relatives, an easily baffled bunch of folks whose eyes glaze over when the younger crowd rambles on about some hot new toy line.

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2 Responses to “None more real”

  1. Adam Ford

    Knockoffs have a beauty to them because there is no bolyed-on corporate IP backstory/canon to obstruct the pure imagination of the child who plays with such toys. Your names for them are also beautiful.

  2. Scholar-Gipsy

    I laughed like a goddamn hyena at this post, and in the middle of an absolutely shit day. Thank you for the moment of sanity.

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