Armagideon Time

Manifesto my head

June 9th, 2009

about it the staff at Acme Door & Frame Outfitters is trying to figure out what to do with five thousand toy trains.” src=”” alt=”Meanwhile, the staff at Acme Door & Frame Outfitters is trying to figure out what to do with five thousand toy trains.” width=”477″ height=”443″ />

The Fan Boycott Boycott is a response to over-entitled crybabies making empty threats which they will never carry out. The following is the movement’s manifesto:


- That certain segments of fandom have a masochistic relationship with their hobby, and are only happy when they’re complaining about something.

- That this vocal subgroup, aided and abetted by the hopelessly insular realm of “fan-journalism,” has deluded itself into thinking it represents more than a tiny sliver of fandom as a whole.

- That a letter-writing campaign conducted forty years ago “saved” Star Trek from cancellation, thus allowing the world to see an episode of the series where Mr. Spock has his brain stolen.


- To treating my hobbies as what they are — entertaining diversions — and not as a platform for absurdly over-reaching rhetoric.

- To not confuse the shrill bleating of the peanut gallery’s denizens with the actual voice of a supposed “community.”

- To play through Fallout 3 again, but not until the “Point Lookout” add-on has been released.


- That life is very short, and there’s no time for fussing and fighting, my friends.

- Fan boycotts inevitably undermine any legitimate concerns with highly subjective complaints rooted in the basest forms of fan-entitlement.

- That I have seen what happens when “the fans” get their way, and it is an ugly spectacle to behold, indeed.

- That, fan pathology being what it is, the vast majority of boycotters will be there on the boycotted item’s day of release with cash in hand.

- Dollhouse really does deserve to be taken out behind the barn and put out of its misery.

- The offending party could offer wheelbarrows full of unmarked twenties and free ice cream sundaes with purchase, and the fans would still piss and moan about it.

- That they could have found a better actress than Tara Reid to play Melody in the Josie and The Pussycats movie.


- That the relevant media outlets quit feeding fandom’s delusions of grandeur.

- That a blanket ban on the use of “meh” be enacted.

- That the vocal, whiny segment of fandom grow the fuck up already.

Therefore, I — the founding member of this Fan Boycott Boycott — promise to abstain from taking any of these foolish trogolodytes seriously until they exhibit a rudimentary sense of perspective.

(A little context, maestro! 17,000 out of a userbase of 2.5 million is roughly .68 of a percentage point, for the record.)

Recommended listening:  John Shakespeare – A Word in Your Ear (from KPM Library 1063 – Contemporary Color, 1970)

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Um, actually, despite the use of “word” in the title, this peppy piece of pop ephemera is an instrumental. Talk about a slap in the face to all true fans of vintage library music….

Related posts:

  1. Nobody’s Favorites: Rotting from the head down
  2. Slick in the head
  3. Best of AT: Feed your head

3 Responses to “Manifesto my head”

  1. Ken Lowery


  2. David Thiel


    I’ve watched every episode of “Dollhouse,” yet I agree.

  3. Christian

    I’ll sign anything after your mention of the Josie and the Pussycats movie.

Proudly powered by WordPress. Theme developed with WordPress Theme Generator.
Copyright © Armagideon Time. All rights reserved.