Armagideon Time

Manifesto my head

June 9th, 2009

about it the staff at Acme Door & Frame Outfitters is trying to figure out what to do with five thousand toy trains.” src=”http://www.armagideon-time.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/0609.jpg” alt=”Meanwhile, the staff at Acme Door & Frame Outfitters is trying to figure out what to do with five thousand toy trains.” width=”477″ height=”443″ />

The Fan Boycott Boycott is a response to over-entitled crybabies making empty threats which they will never carry out. The following is the movement’s manifesto:

I RECOGNIZE:

- That certain segments of fandom have a masochistic relationship with their hobby, and are only happy when they’re complaining about something.

- That this vocal subgroup, aided and abetted by the hopelessly insular realm of “fan-journalism,” has deluded itself into thinking it represents more than a tiny sliver of fandom as a whole.

- That a letter-writing campaign conducted forty years ago “saved” Star Trek from cancellation, thus allowing the world to see an episode of the series where Mr. Spock has his brain stolen.

I AM COMMITTED:

- To treating my hobbies as what they are — entertaining diversions — and not as a platform for absurdly over-reaching rhetoric.

- To not confuse the shrill bleating of the peanut gallery’s denizens with the actual voice of a supposed “community.”

- To play through Fallout 3 again, but not until the “Point Lookout” add-on has been released.

I BELIEVE:

- That life is very short, and there’s no time for fussing and fighting, my friends.

- Fan boycotts inevitably undermine any legitimate concerns with highly subjective complaints rooted in the basest forms of fan-entitlement.

- That I have seen what happens when “the fans” get their way, and it is an ugly spectacle to behold, indeed.

- That, fan pathology being what it is, the vast majority of boycotters will be there on the boycotted item’s day of release with cash in hand.

- Dollhouse really does deserve to be taken out behind the barn and put out of its misery.

- The offending party could offer wheelbarrows full of unmarked twenties and free ice cream sundaes with purchase, and the fans would still piss and moan about it.

- That they could have found a better actress than Tara Reid to play Melody in the Josie and The Pussycats movie.

I REQUEST:

- That the relevant media outlets quit feeding fandom’s delusions of grandeur.

- That a blanket ban on the use of “meh” be enacted.

- That the vocal, whiny segment of fandom grow the fuck up already.

Therefore, I — the founding member of this Fan Boycott Boycott — promise to abstain from taking any of these foolish trogolodytes seriously until they exhibit a rudimentary sense of perspective.

(A little context, maestro! 17,000 out of a userbase of 2.5 million is roughly .68 of a percentage point, for the record.)

Recommended listening:  John Shakespeare – A Word in Your Ear (from KPM Library 1063 – Contemporary Color, 1970)

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Um, actually, despite the use of “word” in the title, this peppy piece of pop ephemera is an instrumental. Talk about a slap in the face to all true fans of vintage library music….

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  2. Slick in the head
  3. Best of AT: Feed your head

3 Responses to “Manifesto my head”

  1. Ken Lowery

    Signed.

  2. David Thiel

    Signed.

    I’ve watched every episode of “Dollhouse,” yet I agree.

  3. Christian

    I’ll sign anything after your mention of the Josie and the Pussycats movie.

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