Armagideon Time

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My dearest love,

I hope this letter finds you well. Things have been heating up on the virtual battlefield, as Server High Command has judged our cumulative kill totals high enough to open up the Coral Sea theater of operations.

Though I am most comfortable in a boots-on-the-ground role, either as a rifleman or preferably at the controls of a slow-moving underpowered armored vehicle, I have volunteered for this unending air campaign because the regular maps have been having connection problems.

My piloting skills aren’t the greatest, but I have been able to hold my own and unlock a couple of achievements. I’ve had my share of harrowing experiences. Just a few minutes ago, my fighter plane was caught up in a lag squall while I was flying lazy circles around the capture point over the central lagoon. My life flashed before my eyes in jagged, one-frame-per-five-seconds animation as I pancaked into a hillside.

And so I write you this from the aircraft carrier respawn point, as I wait — with a half-dozen of my squadmates — for some more vehicles to magically materialize on the runway.

I think the stress of the battle is getting to some of us. Poor “pottorino” has been running in circles around the flight deck for five minutes now, lobbing grenades in random directions. “SuPeRjOeCoOl” seems fixated with shooting the fixed AA gun at the carrier’s bridge tower and “xBLITZWAFFLEx” has taken to performing melee moves against phantoms visible only to himself.

I suppose it is to be expected. Many of these volunteers are just kids, teenagers out to show the world their “elite skills” and ability to quote Slipknot lyrics over the team chat channel. Sadly, their dreams often end with a suicide penalty incurred from pranging off an easily avoidable stationary object.

I must leave you now, as I need to grab this plane before one of my teammates lapses into terminal griefer syndrome again and blows it up with a bazooka. I am sorry I let your phone call about picking up something to eat at Wendy’s go to voicemail, but I had just gotten a bead on “BossCrooklyn1121′s” tail and was ready to deliver some well-deserved payback.

See you after derby practice tonight, and, no, I didn’t forget to feed the menagerie.

Your loving husband,

“Bitter” Andrew Weiss
Warrant Officer Bronze
134116 in the Battlefield 1943 Xbox 360 leaderboards at the moment

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One Response to “Letter from the virtual front”

  1. Palette

    “Prang” is perhaps my most favorite aeronautical term EVER.

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