Forget Nostradamus and his silly quatrains. True scholars of prophecy need look no further than the ad pages of any given tabloid gossip rag, where the countdown to the End Times is marked and measured by each terrifying new offering from the Hamilton Collection or Bradford Exchange.

If this slice of nightmare is any indication, the Apocalypse is mere moments away…

This cubist canine abomination was supposedly “inspired” by the works of Louis Comfort Tiffany, which I suppose could be true in the sense that the Manson Family was “inspired” by the Beatles.

In short, it’s a plastic lamp fashioned by the finest craftsmen Third World sweatshops have to offer into the shape of a Yorkshire Terrier, a breed of dog favored by those who like their ankle-biting surrogate children to be be-ribboned bits of fluff instead of regal conquerors.

(I will confess to a certain level of anti-Yorkie bias, which stems from my paper route days and a nasty little creature named Spud who made off with a chunk of my left calf.)

In case you were wondering, “finishing touch” is simply marketing jargon for “deathblow to your immortal soul.”

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