Mon 8 Feb 2010
Nobody’s Favorites: Young hearts run free
Posted by bitterandrew under Big Issues, Comics, Culture, Nobody's Favorites
[17] Comments
Dear Armagideon Time Forum,
I never thought this could happen to me. My name is Cathy Webster, and I was a student at a small Midwestern college. I was always seen as something of a homely girl, what with my glasses, pert body, blonde hair and blue eyes…
Then one day, Professor Wentworth (totally not an evil mad scientist) took me aside and asked me to participate in her female enhancement project.
The effects were remarkable. Within a matter of days, I gained peak human strength and agility, as well as three cup sizes. It also magically made my glasses disappear while transforming my ponytail into a cute bob hairdo!
Filled with confidence, I slipped into a red, white, and blue spandex ensemble with some high-heeled boots and crashed a toga party at the Delta Tau Chi house. The boys couldn’t keep their hands off me…
…but I am happy to say I gave as good as I got. (Wink, wink!) The experience was exhilarating, but taught me that perhaps Dr. Wentworth had her own reasons for helping me. I went to ask her about the the strange new sensations I had been feeling, but she somehow managed to clear out both her office and well-equipped laboratory in the space of a single evening.
Suffice to say, I was a little peeved (and possibly blitzed on Everclear), and may have shouted out a lot of overheated exposition to an empty room.
It all worked out in the end, though. I soon after met up with an older gentleman who was a long-standing crush of mine. He took me under his wing and promised to instruct me in the best way to utilize my perfect young body for maximum effect.
It just goes to show dreams can come true, and that a failed attempt at franchise expansion based on creepy gender politics can someday become Nobody’s Favorite.
Sincerely,
Cathy “Free Spirit” Webster
I have nothing but respect for the late Mark Gruenwald. He was a conscientious editor, respectable writer, and the direct inspiration (through his comment that every character is “somebody’s favorite”) for this ongoing feature. That said, the later issues of his long stint as writer on Captain America – which featured Cap-Wolf, Cap strung out on crystal meth, paralyzed Cap in a suit of power armor, and the above story arc – were fucking dire.
Related posts:
- Nobody’s Favorites: Buggin’ out
- Nobody’s Favorites: Government surplus
- Nobody’s Favorites: Cowboy ugh
February 8th, 2010 at 3:10 pm
The triumvirate of 20th century human triumph:
1) Singlehandedly turning the tide of World War II
2) A life of charity that redeems Christianity in the eyes of millions
3) 1992′s Automatic for the People
February 8th, 2010 at 3:12 pm
Michael Stipe is one of her “life-long” idols? How old is she?
Alas, attempts to appear “current” never do age well.
February 8th, 2010 at 3:25 pm
FYI: The issue also has Cathy’s leg warmer-wearing roommate discussing a Smashing Pumpkins concert.
February 8th, 2010 at 3:41 pm
Well, I’ve enjoyed playing “Today” in Rock Band 2, so I probably can’t say too much.
February 8th, 2010 at 7:55 pm
Wait… Cap was strung out on crystal meth? Seriously?
February 8th, 2010 at 7:58 pm
Yep, in the “Streets of Poison” arc:
http://www.comics.org/issue/48194/cover/4/?style=default
February 8th, 2010 at 10:26 pm
What really makes this one of the best of the Nobody’s Favorite entries?
That panel where Cathy lists her idols as Captain America, Mother Theresa and…Michael Stipe.
What. The. Fuck?
February 9th, 2010 at 12:13 am
I am so glad there is a huge block of time when I did not read a lot of comics and missed things like this…
No regrets!
February 9th, 2010 at 2:56 am
Streets of Poison, despite its naff premise and awkward “drugs are bad, okay” vibe was pretty good, the Cap Wolf story was great fun and the “Cap is going to die” storyline could’ve been good, but for the fact that Gruenwald got saddled with progressively worse artists. His duties as one of the head honchos of Marvel at the time didn’t help either.
Seriously. Just imagine Kieron Dwyer or Ron Lim or somebody halfway decent doing the same story that’s shown here and it all becomes a lot better.
Putting forth Free Spirit as Nobody’s Favourite is a bit of a cheat, as she just too obscure and z-listery to be prominent enough to have a chance of being anybody’s favourite in the first place. She was a decent enough supporting caster during an admittedly awful part of Gruenwald’s run.
And honestly: my main idols are mother Theresa, Cap and Michael Stipes? Don’t tell me you haven’t known people like this…
February 9th, 2010 at 4:42 am
No, Martin Wisse, the last 4 years or so of Gruenwald run really were dire. I personally never thought his work on cap rose above mediocre but the last of his run was just cheap stunt after cheap stunt. It read like some throwback to 60′s Superman.
I like Gruenwald much more for what he did as an editor and a guiding voice at Marvel. I see no need to whitewash his work as a writer despite his truly unfortunate early demise.
I love the choice of Free Spirit esp. since she was a very uptight, judgmental and rigid person. I kept wishing her saucy roommate would take over the Free Spirit mantle. Free Spirit probably never went to a party in her fictional life.
Great work, Andrew.
February 9th, 2010 at 10:21 am
My favorite story from the Gruenwald Cap run featured Cap and Bearded Thor fighting Doughboy. I remember the cover reading “The House That Dripped Dough!”
But even as a kid, I always wondered about the quality of those Cap comics. I just assumed that Marvel was contractually obligated to put out a Captain America comic every month, regardless of quality.
February 9th, 2010 at 11:47 am
“What. The. Fuck?”
Eh, I could see someone saying that back then, though Stipe has a lower profile as an activist than, say, Bono.
February 9th, 2010 at 1:22 pm
Apologies for the link here, but in this old post I offer a defense of some of Gruenwald’s late-period excesses as a kind of meta-commentary on 90s trends in comics. I’m not even sure I believe it myself but I kind of want to: http://prettyfakes.com/2007/03/the-last-time-captain-america-died/
February 9th, 2010 at 2:00 pm
There was meta-commentary, to be sure, but also the clear signs of creative fatigue setting for a competent, yet rarely exceptional, writer.
I agree with your assessment of Waid’s run, Prof. It jettisoned the cheesiness of Gruenwald’s stories, but stripped the character of his soul in the process.
February 10th, 2010 at 1:12 pm
A sign of how far Gruenwald’s Cap had fallen is that I actually stopped buying it, after a long, long unbroken streak.
February 11th, 2010 at 11:57 pm
Stipe had heaps of activist stuff in the lobby of his last concert… I dunno. There are pop culture references that have aged worse, and Stipe is pretty damn cool. Not as fun as Animal Man listening to ‘Superman’ and then Superman showing up though
February 15th, 2010 at 2:39 pm
Yes Gruenwald’s final years on the title were horrible.
I’ve never cared much for him as a writer in the first place, but man those later years… I finally had to say “ok Mark, you win, you beat me, I just can’t take it anymore, I’m outta here”.
I remember wishing that he’d drop dead and of course later he did. I felt like shit.
I do agree that he made a much better editor and I loved the Handbook of the Marvel Universe, but yeah his Cap stories, not so much.