Prognostication is a fool’s game, remedy and not just when it involves so-called “psychics” pulling bullshit out of thin air. Even the most cautious forecasts, backed by empirical evidence and historical prescedents, can be upended by a host of unanticipated variables.
Absolute certitude — outside of certain realms of science and mathematics — is a myth, though I’m pretty confident that history won’t contradict my decision to pre-emptively induct DC’s upcoming reboot of the Teen Titans…
…into the unhallowed halls of Nobody’s Favorites.
When the economic collapse of 2008 kneecapped the already shaky American automobile industry, the cabal of manufacturers (with the aid and/or encouragement of the government) underwent a massive restructuring. Toxic assets and ancillary revenue drains were divested and sold off, underperforming lines were 86′ed in favor of a more tightly focused brand image, and herculean efforts were undertaken to improve both the quality of the product and the public’s perception of the same. By all accounts, the process seems to have worked.
DC Comics, on the other hand, seems to have looked at the auto industry’s example and decided to do the exact opposite with its upcoming reboot, which is to say “turning up the shit hose to full blast and hoping for the best.” I’ve long been a DC partisan (insofar as I take sides in these geek turf wars) and haven’t cared for the editorial direction Marvel has taken over the past decade.
Yet as much as the House of Ideas’ efforts at ham-fisted, psuedo-relevance have rankled me, I’ve been impressed by their willingness to tap indie creators like Colleen Coover, Michael Kupperman, and Johnny Ryan for various projects and one-offs. The stuff may be marginal in comparison to the flood of bombastic drek, but its existence alone is proof that someone, somewhere in the editorial-creative heirarchy is capable of thinking outside the box.
Meanwhile, DC seems hellbent at rolling back the clock to the Chromium Age. My initial reaction to the news of the reboot was “oh, like the Onslaught/Heroes Reborn nonsense.” Little did I know how apt that comparison would turn out to be in the wake of flood solicitations which would have right at home in a 1996 issue of Wizard. Having missed out on the much of the 1990s signature talent pool, they’ve decided to stage a late reunion tour of decrepit idols and terrible cover bands.
Just look at that friggin’ cover. As parody, I’d have classified it as too over-the-top (though the feral chick channeling Tawny Kitaen’s Whitesnake slither was a nice touch of period authenticity). As a genuine offering for a major franchise from a major publisher in 2011, it’s utterly mindboggling.
And what’s with Superboy’s back? I suspect they were aiming for something similar to the duct-taped Crass emblem found on any given crusty’s trenchcoat, but it ended up looking like someone scored big in a game of “pin a Kick Me sign on the dudebro.”
How does that line by Karl Marx go? “History repeats itself, first as tragedy then as yet another awful Teen Titans relaunch?” In any case, I trust the process of historical inevitability will vindicate my selecting this anachronistic nightmare as this week’s Nobody’s Favorite.