The legendary songwriting team of Burt Bacharach and Hal David once stated that “what the world needs now is love, sweet love.”
I beg to differ.
What the world needs — nay, rightfully deserves are 1950s advertising photos of clowns eating pickle products.
Really, who could refuse the timeless whimsy of painted imps consuming vinegar-treated delicacies?
Is the world so overburdened with joy that there is no place left for such rare treasures?
Unburden your cares and rejoice, I say!
REVEL IN THE JOY. BASK IN THE BEADY EYED GAZE OF UNWARRANTED AFFECTION AND PLUNGE HEADFIRST INTO THE TOOTHLESS GRINNING MAW OF ABYSSAL BLISS.
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August 3rd, 2012 - 12:56 pm
This RiffTrax snippet from The Dark Knight may be apropos of nothing, but I feel it just fits this piece:
“You wanna know why I use a knife?”
“Because soup tastes better when it’s difficult.”
August 3rd, 2012 - 5:37 pm
I refuse to believe that any child at any point in history actually liked clowns. I think it’s just one of those things people reflexively include as a part of childhood, because it was a part of theirs. If we could trace the tradition back to the first parent who thought it was a good idea to leave their child with a stranger prone to hiding their identity as conspicuously as possible, we’d learn things about human nature we never wanted to learn.
He is The Minotaur. All clowns are The Minotaur. It will never be your birthday again.
August 3rd, 2012 - 10:17 pm
Can someone explain to me what is happening to that first clown’s hand? His fingers appear to be forming angles that don’t normally appear outside of a Lovecraft story.
August 3rd, 2012 - 11:59 pm
Brr. Hate pickles. Hate clowns. Two of my Hate Tapes are devoted entirely to anti-pickle and anti-clown programming!
August 4th, 2012 - 10:51 am
I just don’t get clowns, if I was scared of them that would be one thing but I just don’t get clowns.
Don’t find them funny or anything, to me they are like mentally challenged people who are trying to go through life the best they can and I’m supposed to laugh at that ?
August 4th, 2012 - 10:58 am
Lenny Bruce said something similar about Red Skelton and Jerry Lewis.
I think Cary hit it on the (squeaky) nose — clowns are atavistic remnants which have survived thanks to unquestioned historical tradition.
August 8th, 2012 - 6:59 am
ALL CLOWNS ARE CREEPY.