Armagideon Time

The heat is off

January 31st, 2013

So you’ve made it through a hectic Tuesday at the office and all you want to do is go home, herpes find something to eat, unhealthy and try out the new DCU Online DLC which dropped earlier in the day.

You’ve managed to get the first two tasks accomplished and have started in on the third when your spouse points out that the gas heater has gone silent and the radiators are cold to the touch.

You call your contractor father-in-law, who says he’ll be over tomorrow morning at eight. Afraid of what her father would say about the current state of the House on the Hillside, your spouse decides that a crash decluttering of the home is in order. The process begins at 10:30 PM and ends just shy of 1:00 AM, by which point you have ingested a cubic foot of plaster dust mixed with multiple cleaning solutions of varying toxicity.

Even better, you know that tomorrow is trash day, so you need to get up at 6:00 AM to make sure that the previous week’s refuse makes it to the curb before the garbage truck does.

You finish a final inspection of the basement’s dark corners (for any fragrant presents left by felines angry over the relocation of their litterboxes), just in time for your father-in-law to arrive. He pulls apart the heater, states its too complex for him to fix, and lectures you on the state of the drywall he installed and importance of maintaining value in a home for investment purposes.

He also dials up his go-to guy for HVAC issues, who says he’ll try to arrive by noon. In the meantime the heater starts working again, only its still parially disassembled with its hellish maw exposed to the world. Your father in law says his pal should check it out “just in case,” a bit of sensible thinking whose wisdom is lost in the crimson din of your wisdom teeth continuing their sideways migration.

The HVAC guy arrives and your dogs go batshit insane. You spend the next two hours holding back a crazed beagle-boxer while a series of metallic bangs and crashes rises up from belowdecks.

The heater turns out to be fine, apart from needing a long overdue cleaning, so you figure you can spend the rest of the aftertoon tooling around with DCU Online…except that the DLC has broken the game and the devs have taken the server down.

You decide to finish reading that novel you got instead, but make it barely a page before you notice one of your cats is lethargic and puking bile all over the carpet. You make a show of defusing your wife’s panic, even though you yourself are worried it might be something serious.

By early evening, the ailing cat perks up a little after a long bout of copious vomiting and the heater is chugging along just fine.

You think that you’ve made it past the worst this Wednesday had to offer.

And then this appears to add a baffling and creepy-ass coda to a generally unpleasant day.

Recommended listening: Chin up, my son! We’re having such fun.

Related posts:

  1. Turn up the heat
  2. Nothing to spare
  3. There’s always room

One Response to “The heat is off”

  1. Dan Coyle

    Cool story bro.

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