Armagideon Time

Posts tagged ‘ads’

BIFF! BAM! POO!

January 30th, 2020

What, “filled with a profound sense of embarrassment and regret you’ll either psychically bury or use as the stuff of cruel self-mockery a couple of decades later?” Mission fucking accomplished. It is my sincere belief that the funnybook scene’s decades-long push to exhibit a caricature of “maturity” has done more damage than either the Comics […]

Death or CD

January 8th, 2020

“It was like swimming against a current that swept you backwards however hard you struggled, and then suddenly deciding to turn round and go with the current instead of opposing it. Nothing had changed except your own attitude: the predestined thing happened in any case. He hardly knew why he had ever rebelled.” – George […]

Then playing

November 7th, 2019

Maura and I spent a good part of the summer of 2018 clearing out my grandmother’s attic of anything I possibly wanted to keep. There were fewer items on that front than I’d anticipated, though the prospect of shifting heavy crates in the sweltering heat tended to override most feelings of materialistic sentimentality. The most […]

My GRAVE-est apologies for GHOST-ing on yesterday’s post, but I was being tormented by a lost set of car keys and supposedly-but-not-actually faxed important paperwork and other real life terrors more fiendish than any salivating hellbeast. In any case, here’s a cursed artifact from a 1984 Billboard insert covering the rental-driven horror flick boom… While […]

Strut the flap

April 4th, 2019

Come one, come all! Feast your eyes on the Only Bumflap That Matters! As the ad — ganked from a 1980 issue of Smash Hits — states, this was merely one of an entire line of hindquarters drapery available for sale. If you were curious about which other artists were available for posterior display, here’s […]

Time X

April 11th, 2016

Say, kids, what time is it? It’s crappy merchandising time (which, to be honest, is all the time in the fetid realm of geekdom)! At first glance, the above ad from a 1993 issue of Wizard appears to be just another pitch for some overpriced licensed garbage. Puzzling, but hardly remarkable for an era where […]

What they do isn’t pretty

April 7th, 2016

Guys, it was 1993. That was well enough into the decade for even sleepyheads like myself to rouse themselves from fitful slumber and catch a whiff of the zeitgeist (redolent of trying to extinguish a tire fire with a tanker full of rancid milk, but that may have just been a Woburn thing). It’s downright […]

After a fashion

February 16th, 2016

This strategic alliance between J.C. Penny and Clairol was the Reagan Era’s answer to the Super Soldier Project — only instead of punching Hitler, the object was to sell as many home perm kits and wide-shouldered blazers as possible. “Gentlemen, our agents have revealed that the Russians have taken a decisive lead in asymmetrical earring […]

The undiscovered country

February 2nd, 2016

It wasn’t the sweat-reeking mix of overconfidence and pleading desperation that baffled me. Nor was it the hand-written scrawl passing as a professional pitch or teaser lyrics that evoke more pathos than pop potential. Those all tend to be a common element in these paid-placement bids to bypass the the big label gatekeepers, though turning […]

Merry Gip-mas!

December 21st, 2015

It also responds really well to whitewashing and a quick run through a spin cycle, and can be easily tailored for various regional climates and prevailing fashions. Though it does tend to get quite messy with use, you can always leave it for someone else to clean-up after you’re done with it. (DISCLAIMER: Ketchup stains […]

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