Armagideon Time

Posts tagged ‘fun with vintage ads’

“What could be that scary?” you ask as you hazard a stamp and a buck forty-nine on the tantalizing offering. Four to six weeks later it arrives. The box is small, but surprisingly heavy. You grab a knife from the counter and slice open the packing tape, carefully pulling open the flaps and removing the […]

A plague worse than death

September 25th, 2018

“I looked up and saw a horse whose color was pastel green. Its rider was named Jane, and her format was VHS. They were given authority over ranch home suburbia, to conquer with headband and lycra and legwarmers and extreme hold mousse.”

Time is tight this week, so the second half of the July ’65 hall of shame will have to wait until next Friday. As a consolation prize, I made a quick dive into the Charlton Comics archive and plucked this tantalizing pitch from the acid-eaten newsprint… …a Hit Records mail-order ad from the middle of […]

Dead alive in 1995

April 6th, 2018

I remember next to nothing about MTV’s Club Dead, apart from the lingering feelings of horror and disdain the whole “full motion video” CD-ROM game fad of the early-to-mid-Nineties instilled in me. Ballyhooed as the “Next Big Thing,” the FMV game thing was really just a massive cop-out that took advantage of the CD-ROM format’s […]

Twi5t of Ca1n

April 3rd, 2018

Oh, sure, you claim to be a fan of Danfourg, but can you name any other songs he did besides “Mothreer?” I bet you didn’t even realize he was the frontman for horrorpunk legends The Misfivets, who recorded such classics as “Astro Zerombies” and “Last Careights.” They played their first shows at C8G8′s in NYC, […]

It calls for thee

March 30th, 2018

Remember me as you pass by. As you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so you must be. Prepare for death and follow me. Hindsight is 20/20, but I’ll always have room for a rich helping of historical irony.

Let’s go places

March 29th, 2018

And on the listing these words appear: ’94 Toyota Paseo, for parts or scrap; Two-hundred-and-fifty, cash only, no refunds!’ Nothing beside remains. In the trunk Of that compact wreck, mildewed and dented A pair of racoons loudly copulate.

Gone to seed

February 8th, 2018

I’ve stumbled across so many ads for unremembered bands in my journeys that I barely notice them unless they feature some vaguely familiar artist or evoke some odd bit of historical resonance. This 1990 pitch for Tales Like These by The Wild Flowers fell into the latter camp. It caught my eye because of its […]

Everything old is older again

January 11th, 2018

While last Tuesday’s post gave me no small satisfaction, I felt convinced the formula could be improved by selecting a temporal window with a higher payload of reminders of my core demographic’s fleeting mortality. With that in mind, let’s take an existentially fraught trip through SPIN’s January 1998 issue — released twenty years ago this […]

X lost the plot

January 9th, 2018

Fun fades fast in the fallen world, but sins are eternal. That’s why random happenstance put me on this planet — to delve into the putrid muck of ages past in search of reeking reminders of that which others so fervently wish to forget. I will not cease from Mental Fight, Nor shall my mouse […]

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