Armagideon Time

Posts tagged ‘fun with vintage ads’

It calls for thee

March 30th, 2018

Remember me as you pass by. As you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so you must be. Prepare for death and follow me. Hindsight is 20/20, but I’ll always have room for a rich helping of historical irony.

Let’s go places

March 29th, 2018

And on the listing these words appear: ’94 Toyota Paseo, for parts or scrap; Two-hundred-and-fifty, cash only, no refunds!’ Nothing beside remains. In the trunk Of that compact wreck, mildewed and dented A pair of racoons loudly copulate.

Gone to seed

February 8th, 2018

I’ve stumbled across so many ads for unremembered bands in my journeys that I barely notice them unless they feature some vaguely familiar artist or evoke some odd bit of historical resonance. This 1990 pitch for Tales Like These by The Wild Flowers fell into the latter camp. It caught my eye because of its […]

Everything old is older again

January 11th, 2018

While last Tuesday’s post gave me no small satisfaction, I felt convinced the formula could be improved by selecting a temporal window with a higher payload of reminders of my core demographic’s fleeting mortality. With that in mind, let’s take an existentially fraught trip through SPIN’s January 1998 issue — released twenty years ago this […]

X lost the plot

January 9th, 2018

Fun fades fast in the fallen world, but sins are eternal. That’s why random happenstance put me on this planet — to delve into the putrid muck of ages past in search of reeking reminders of that which others so fervently wish to forget. I will not cease from Mental Fight, Nor shall my mouse […]

“Even a hipster who is pure in heart and sips craft brews at night may become a wild-eyed southern boy when the dirtbag moon is bright.” And thus, on October 31, 1986, did the Mercury Theater’s broadcast of The War of the Worlds get bumped down to the second most horrifying thing ever to hit […]

Why should the flood-prone folks in Cajun country have all the fun? Let the unwashed masses molder beneath the earth with the worms and dirt and corpse-eating mole people. You are the assistant regional manager for widget sales in the Tri-State area. You are distinguished, and you should let it be known both here and […]

On the rocks

December 8th, 2016

I’d reckon the folks ad the ad agency didn’t anticipate what I’d do to their baby a half century in the future — but they should have.

“Yo, where were you on Halloween? You missed a sick party at Ricky’s place!” “Didn’t I tell you? Oh, man. I won a Miller Lite contest where I got to party with Clarence Clemons at Universal Studios!” “Wait. Didn’t he die in 2011?” Frost forms on the windowpane. The family beagle begins to whine and […]

The fail of the tape

May 26th, 2016

REEL TOO REAL: He’s a scrappy public defender who grew up in the Lower East Side. She’s a former fashion model raised in the high society Hamptons. He goes into hysterics over Dr. Demento. She feels flushed whenever she hears Casey Kasem’s voice. Frank and Gloria both went into to Crazy Harry’s Discount Electronics looking […]

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