Armagideon Time

Posts tagged ‘idiocy’

Eff your vescence

May 30th, 2019

It’s always bizarre to me when financial analysts act gobsmacked when a faddish commodity experiences a sharp correction. Regardless of one’s opinion about flavored seltzer water, it was pretty clear that its white hot trendiness would eventually experience some form of reversion to the mean. For every one of these darlings which does manage to […]

The old man’s move into rehab was delayed by a lack of available beds and a flu epidemic which ruled out a facility in nearby Wilmington in favor on one up in North Andover. We kept in touch through texts and phone calls, but I didn’t bother visiting him in person. When this shit started […]

Strut the flap

April 4th, 2019

Come one, come all! Feast your eyes on the Only Bumflap That Matters! As the ad — ganked from a 1980 issue of Smash Hits — states, this was merely one of an entire line of hindquarters drapery available for sale. If you were curious about which other artists were available for posterior display, here’s […]

Highest ed

March 29th, 2019

The campus playset was part of a whole line of college-themed accessories for Barbie, and given ample page space in the 1964 Sears Wish Book. I wish Mattel had pursued the concept through the entirely of Barbie’s college experience — Summer of Love Barbie, Berkeley Speed Freak Ken, Bad Acid Trip Barbie with Plush Sanatorium […]

Wash down

February 20th, 2019

From the deepest, blandest corner of suburbia, a cry of despair issues forth… The mighty forces of postwar consumerism immediately spring into action, bringing rigid gender roles… …overhyped technological improvements… …and more avocado tones than a single person could process in a dozen lifetimes! Together, they have the power to reshape domestic reality. Forget last […]

No good for you

December 4th, 2018

Ah, yes. Those magical afternoons my high school buddy Damian and I would spend browsing the cramped confines of Cross Street Video, where the decision whether to rent Robot Jox or Radioactive Dreams hung upon which cast had more Oscar-winners or nominees. (And despite the ads visuals and breathy copy, Savage Dawn wasn’t a one […]

The softer side

November 29th, 2018

I have a lot of feelings about the protracted demise of Sears. It’s sad to watch an icon implode, especially one that occupied such a prominent place in both cultural sphere and my formative years. There’s been a odd symmetry to witnessing my grandmother’s death and the shuttering of the former retail titan in space […]

Because I am old and jaded and the old bag of tricks doesn’t cut it for me anymore, I have to find my horrific thrills from fresher venues — like running a search for “Halloween” on the Bradford Exchange’s online portal. Let’s face it, no existential terror Lovecraft ever dreamed up could possibly compete with […]

“What could be that scary?” you ask as you hazard a stamp and a buck forty-nine on the tantalizing offering. Four to six weeks later it arrives. The box is small, but surprisingly heavy. You grab a knife from the counter and slice open the packing tape, carefully pulling open the flaps and removing the […]

Spiderman, Spiderman. Rents out rooms when he can. Drains his tenants by surprise. But an angry spouse makes sure he fries. Too bad, it seemed like a solid plan. (“Spiderman and His Web of Doom” from The Thing #7, March 1953; illustrated by Bob Forgione) Recommended listening: One slice of low-budget sleaze deserves another.

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