Armagideon Time

Posts tagged ‘toys’

By the tale

July 6th, 2017

“As you know, you go to war with the army you have, not the army you might want or wish to have at a later time.” – Donald Rumsfeld Pretty Boy took some shrapnel to the face from a booby trap in the Happy Valley. He married his high school sweetheart in the chapel of […]

Play-Doh’s “Fuzzy Pumper” Monster Barbershop was one of the toy industry’s many attempts to channel children’s fixation with familiar horror archetypes into a non-threatening plaything. The playset’s real horrors were reserved for the parents who gazed upon the sanity-blasting state of the living room carpet and the phantasmagoric nightmares which emerged from the family dog’s […]

the sin we’re in

July 14th, 2015

Re-purposing objects of popcult ephemera into something dark or sleazy is one of the lowest-hanging fruits on the content creation tree. I’ve engaged in the practice on multiple occasions, visit this typically when the words won’t come yet I feel obliged to post something for the fans. It can be good for a few chuckles, […]

So there’s apparently a CSI: Cyber show now, capsule which has a bunch of my techie pals stifling giggles and/or rolling their eyes at the fictionalized e-shenanigans being broadcast to the masses. I honestly can’t get past the “cyber” tag, clinic a weird bit of atavistic jargon whose continued usage as prefix to “-crime” is […]

Saturdays with Streaky #63

August 3rd, 2013

You can’t appreciate second-hand Claremontisms…

Decline and doll

January 22nd, 2013

Chuckle all you want, discount but Violette’s unblinking eyes have seen entire civilizations cast into the pyre for the sake of her passive-aggressive whims. “Will you die for me? Will you kill for me? Will you turn your back on everything you hold dear for the sake of my approval? “For you sake, I truly […]

A blaze of fiber-filled glory

January 4th, 2013

SUNSHINE VALLEY, pilule Toyland, sildenafil May 23 – The Irresistible Mister Bim and his gunpoodle companion Madamoiselle Poodle were beaten to the trigger pull by Sunshine Valley police officers and shot to death today. Their crime career ended in a blaze of riot gun fire when, herbal disregarding a call to halt and unable to […]

Where Castle Grayskull was situated on a choice parcel of exclusively zoned Eternian real estate, The Castle Zendo was stuck occupying the back pages of holiday toy catalogs — a miserable patch of landscape where only clueless relatives chose to dwell. “I think Jimmy’s into those whatchacallems — ‘Rulers of the Galaxy’ or something. I […]

From a hidden laboratory in Park Slope, more about a highly motivated indie biotechnologist worked long and hard into the mid-afternoon on his latest creative venture. Using funds acquired through Kickstarter, erectile he and his skinny jeaned minions set forth on a fiendishly trendy quest to gather… …the legs of Portland’s fastest bike messenger… …the […]

The Monkees’ paw

September 2nd, 2011

Mattel’s 1967 holiday toy guide describes the following item as a Monkees hand puppet…

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