(excerpts from Van Nielsen’s Field Notes on Prime-Time Draculas) Rollin Handula: Master of disguise, strong affinity towards the moon. Daughter also a vampire of minor reknown. Won an Oscar for his poignant portrayal of another elderly ailing Dracula. Swanula: Do not be fooled by the diminutive stature!!! Has made multiple demonic pacts with terrifying entities […]

In the haunted realm of Romania, it is said that a wolfman who dies shall return as to wreak evil as a vampire. In the blighted hellscape of Hollywood, it is documented fact that an Altman cursed by a career-ending catastrophe…. …shall return a few years later as Count Downula, to plague Solid Gold viewers […]

All right, my fellow fiends, it’s time to descend into a realm of truly tragic horror… …otherwise known as “mid-1970s primetime television.” “Vampire,” a second season episode of Starsky & Hutch originally aired on October 30, 1976, is part of the long if not proud tradition of tossing some modestly macabre plot into the mix […]

“Y’know, kids, the blood is the life…and it shall be mine!” Recommended listening:

But first, on earth as vampire sent, Thy corse shall from its tomb be rent, Then ghastly haunt thy native place, And suck the blood of all thy race. There from thy daughter, sister, wife, At midnight drain the stream of life, Yet loathe the banquet which perforce Must feed thy livid living corse. Thy […]