Armagideon Time

Posts tagged ‘what the hell am I doing’

Sic transit gloria Nineties

July 31st, 2018

Looking back, you wonder if any of it was real. Of course it was. You can find ample physical evidence in any thrift store or the few sad remnants you’d elected to hold on to all this time. There’s a part of you that whispers how these were your best years — a halcyon daze […]

None more real

July 24th, 2018

🎶 SIXTEEN ACTION FIGURES! 🎶 🎶 JUST LIKE THOSE OTHER ONES WE CAN’T NAME FOR LEGAL REASONS! 🎶 🎶 SIXTEEN ACTION FIGURES! 🎶 🎶 THANK GRANDMA FOR HER THOUGHTFUL GIFT, YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE SHIT! 🎶 🎶 SIXTEEN ACTION FIGURES! 🎶 🎶 THEY’RE MASTERS OF THE BAIT AND SWITCH! 🎶 🎶 SIXTEEN ACTION FIGURES! 🎶 🎶 […]

Why should the flood-prone folks in Cajun country have all the fun? Let the unwashed masses molder beneath the earth with the worms and dirt and corpse-eating mole people. You are the assistant regional manager for widget sales in the Tri-State area. You are distinguished, and you should let it be known both here and […]

In early 1932, a unemployed drifter named Eustace “One-Thumb” Enright experienced a fit of inspiration in a Gary, Indiana soup kitchen. A talented doodler since childhood — when he would sketch comedic caricatures in charcoal on the wall of his family’s barn — Enright came up with the idea of a comic strip featuring a […]

Goes great with anything

September 29th, 2017

TV Version: Perennial wallflower Sarah Jones was having a tough time getting used to life in wild and woolly Akron, but a chance encounter with an old crone has turned her life upside-down! Now, whenever shy Sarah puts on the strange headband the crone gave her, she becomes magically transformed into the vivacious and outgoing […]

Unsteady Layer Dumb

July 25th, 2017

(being an excerpt from my forthcoming bestselling novel and big budget movie adaptation) When it came to my research, I didn’t take any shortcuts. Over the past five years, I’d worked my way down the entire recommended reading list. Danielle Steel, V.C. Andrews, John Jakes, Robert Ludlum, Herman Wouk, James Clavell. Michner. Krantz. Forsyth. L’Amour. […]

By the tale

July 6th, 2017

“As you know, you go to war with the army you have, not the army you might want or wish to have at a later time.” – Donald Rumsfeld Pretty Boy took some shrapnel to the face from a booby trap in the Happy Valley. He married his high school sweetheart in the chapel of […]

On the rocks

December 8th, 2016

I’d reckon the folks ad the ad agency didn’t anticipate what I’d do to their baby a half century in the future — but they should have.

Those Demim Ones were gone now, relegated to the dim limbo of consignment shops and Planet Aid drop-offs; but their dead bodies had told their fashion secrets in dreams to the first men, who created a style which had never died. It had always existed and always would exist, hidden in distant closets and dark […]

Don’t stop believin’

September 1st, 2016

Even if I don’t agree with their general sentiments, I do enjoy reading rockist manifestos. There’s something preciously tragic about their heady blend of tribal loyalty and devout belief, like a listening to a four year old explain how the Easter Bunny is real or having a dedicated Marxist try to convince you that America […]

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